Is My Ex A Narcissist?

As family lawyers, we are often told by our new incoming clients that their ex-partner is a “true narcissist” or that their psychologist has warned them that the examples they have been provided as to their ex-partner’s behaviour lend the psychologist to believe their ex is a narcissist.  What does that mean, is the term thrown around lightly, and what are the implications now that you have to navigate your separation from a narcissist?

Determining whether your partner is a narcissist is a complex and sensitive issue. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterised by a specific set of traits, and it’s important to approach this question carefully. Here are some common signs of narcissistic behaviour that might help you assess whether your partner exhibits these traits:

Common Traits of Narcissistic Behaviour

1. Excessive Need for Admiration: Narcissists often require constant praise and validation. They may frequently seek compliments and become upset or angry if they don’t receive the attention, they feel they deserve.
2. Lack of Empathy: One of the hallmark traits of narcissism is an inability to empathise with others. If your partner shows little understanding or concern for your feelings, needs, or experiences, this could be a sign.
3. Grandiosity: Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance. They may exaggerate their achievements or talents and expect others to recognise them as superior, even when there’s no evidence to support such beliefs.
4. Manipulation and Exploitation: A narcissistic partner may manipulate others to get what they want, using tactics like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or playing the victim. They might also exploit relationships for personal gain without regard for the other person’s well-being.
5. Sense of Entitlement: Narcissists often believe they are entitled to special treatment. They may expect others to cater to their needs and become angry or frustrated if those expectations are not met.
6. Difficulty Accepting Criticism: Narcissists typically have a fragile ego, and they may react strongly to any form of criticism, whether constructive or not. This can include becoming defensive, angry, or dismissive when confronted.
7. Control Issues: A narcissistic partner may try to control various aspects of your life, from your appearance to your interactions with others. This control is often exerted through subtle or overt manipulation.
8. Superficial Relationships: Narcissists often struggle to form deep, meaningful relationships. Their connections with others may be superficial, with a focus on how those relationships benefit them rather than genuine care or affection.

What to Do If You Suspect Narcissism

If you recognise several of these traits in your partner, it’s important to consider your feelings and well-being. Living with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and damaging. Separating can be even harder, particularly if you have instigated the separation. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Seek Professional Help: Consider speaking with a therapist or counsellor who can help you navigate your relationship and your removal from the relationship.
2. Set Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries can protect your emotional health. A narcissistic partner may test these boundaries, so it’s important to be firm.  Consider barriers that may need to be put in place to assist in negotiating including having a legal representative to advocate for you.
3. Educate Yourself: Learning more about narcissism and how it manifests can help you understand your partner’s behaviour and develop strategies for coping.
4. Prioritise Self-Care: Ensure that you are taking care of your mental and emotional well-being. This might include seeking support from friends, family, support groups and professional assistance in navigating the Family Law process.
5. Consider Your Options: If your partner’s behaviour is causing significant distress, you may need to consider how you co-exist moving forward. Do you need to co-exist because there are children involved, if so, what tools can you use to minimise the impact on your health?

Final Thoughts

It’s important to remember that only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder.   A diagnosis may never be forthcoming as your ex may not recognise their behaviour or the impact it has had on you and the family.

If your ex-partner exhibits several of the traits listed above and you have separated, consider obtaining advice from a specialist in family law who can assist you in navigating this process and who understands the challenges and negotiation involved with a person who exhibits these traits.

At Southern Waters Legal, our team of family law solicitors are experienced in dealing with separation from a narcissist and is here to offer you expert legal assistance.